Little Women is closing. When I saw it in previews, Sutton was out, so I'll never get to see it with her. I want to play Beth haha.

I realllllllllllllllllly need to get to NYC soon. I was supposed to go next week, but that didn't work out. I now have a job at Hallmark, woot woot, so hopefully I'll make money to see the 10-15 shows I want to see this summer. (Riiiiight, but a girl can dream!) I plan to get to the city in June around or on my birthday. Gosh, I hope I get an internship there next summer. Northern VA is so boring. I don't know if I can take another summer here. It's only May, and I'm practically ready to get out of here. It is quite a comfortable lifestyle, though. I don't know if I prefer being extremely busy, on the verge of feeling overwhelmed, or if I like the life of relaxation. Me and my extremes! One thing's for sure: I need to strike a balance. Pat and I have been talking about topics that relate to this. I hope to talk to him/see him soon. Don't even get me started on that subject, oy!

That's all for now. I'm going to sing now.

Love,

Laura

I finished my freshman year of college on Friday. I can't even begin to describe how the year has been. Overall, it was really good. Second semester was a lot different from first semester. For the majority of the spring, I wasn't concerned with boys or dating since I was so busy with 17 credits, 6 hours of choir a week, going to the gym and doing pilates, participating in various clubs and meetings and then Into the Woods. Of course, the last week of classes, I 'got my life back' because the show and clubs were over. I had free time, so what did I do? I tried to have fun with boys. Currently, there is one boy on my mind who most people would say shouldn't be in it. Yeah. I know this. This too shall pass, I'm sure. I'm kind of having fun though. I don't know. Sometimes things are good, and sometimes he makes me sad. Friends might wonder what I see in him, and soemtimes I do, too, but I have my reasons. He's...different, that's for sure. Let's just say one wouldn't imagine him to be my type if they know me well. I never thought I'd meet anyone who does the things he does. I guess that I was naïve for thinking that. I imagine it comes from my sheltered background.

I got home yesterday evening. It's pretty nice to be back. I go back to WM from Weds to Mon for choir and commencement stuff. Part of me wishes I had just spent the weekend there. I miss my friends who aren't home yet. I know that the people who are still there are probably studying, but I still wish I could be with them, most likely serving as a good distraction.

Happy Mother's Day to all mommies, especially my MooMoo, by the way!

Today we went to Annapolis to have dinner with my dad's old college sponsor family and friends. The father was the VP then CEO of MCI (then Worldcom before the scandal with the merger guy or something). We hung out at their pretty home with the little pier on the Chesapeake Bay. My dad kept saying how they're just regular people, which really started bugging my mom. They're good people, plain and simple. She was bothered by the fact that my dad kept saying they were regular, as if having lots of money automatically makes people arrogant and hoity-toity. That's a stereotype. Yeah, Mal is right, I editorialize. :)

Tomorrow will hopefully consist of going to the gym here (eek haven't been to the pavilion in years. shouldn't be too diff from the rec at school though), going on a job hunt, unpacking some stuff, and hanging out with Zinda and Sawah maybe? I don't know. I just really need to exercise. I miss my routine.

Hope all is well for everyone! I might pick this whole journaling thing up again, I might not. Take care, all!

Love,

Laura

(copying an earlier away message so I can remember last night and perhaps write more later)

Happy New Year!

Highlights of the evening/early morning:
~fondue of the cheese and chocolate varieties :-)
~"You'll be in the biracial, homosexual relationship!"
~"dirty, unnatural love"
~IHOP at 12:30
~blaring music and dancing in an empty parking lot until we worried that the cops would come
~"Don't hit my car!" followed by "You're in her f***ing yard!" haha poor Mal! love you!
~"Stay alive in '05!...what else rhymes with five? ...chive?"
~most importantly, getting to spend time with my good friends Tiff, Mal, Daisy, Mike, and Michael (and seeing family too)!

With a start like that, 2005 is going to be a great year!

Wishing you a safe and blessed New Year!

Love,

Laura

I am SO bored. There's a ton of stuff I *should* be doing, like making a phone call or two, writing a couple of letters and cards, knitting, singing, reading magazines and books I've been meaning to read, catching up on tv shows my mom recorded for me over the semester. Instead, I'm here online updating this.

Break has been pretty fun so far. I've shopped a lot (for literal hours on end) with Tiff and Mal, gone to Friday's twice (once for Mal's birthday--HAPPY BELATED 2OTH BIRTHDAY TO MAL!), gone to Starbucks with the friends a couple of times...Christmas was a lot of fun. My grandparents, great aunt, and aunt came last Thursday and left Monday. We had a nice, relaxing long weekend with them. Right now, I have a ton of stuff I could be doing, so I'll get to that soon (aka I'm leaving out details on the last week and a half).

Things to do in the next three-ish weeks before heading back to WM:

• make plans with the Gallaghers, Andrew, Drew, Joey and Morgan (maybe), and assorted others
• see all of the usual gang: Tiff, Mal, Mikey, Meg, Daisy, Laura (if she gets to come home--i hope!)--we must make New Year's Eve plans!
• get a lot of stuff around here done (see list in first paragraph)
• go to NYC, YAY!! and hopefully see Amy and Chris while there

All right, that's enough for now. Merry belated Christmas!!

Love,

Laura

First off, thanks for all of the love, prayers, comments, and general conversations you've had with me. (You all know who you are.) I love knowing I have friends here and in various parts of the country who love me and support me. Things are improving mood-wise, I think. I think Joe is realizing something is up (he's kind of oblivious to things), so I'll be interested in seeing how choir and dinner go tomorrow. I know I'll be okay, and I hope he will be, too. I don't like hurting people, but I realize that I've become emotionally and possibly spiritually drained from this. This situation led me to make my mom cry today...I didn't like that. It's becoming too much of a burden for me, for my mom (and other family members, I bet), and for you, my close friends with whom I've shared so much and to whom I cried a ton. Thank you for all of your compassion and advice. It really means a lot, and I definitely see your points. I'm trying my best not to rush life so much. I know we all change, especially when we arrive at college, but like my mom, Tiff, and Jed said, I've tried to make these changes happen too quickly.

Oh, this also had a mental and physical toll on me...I'm like 2 1/2 weeks behind on history reading and have NO motivation to read anymore. Blah. It *is* a boring class, though, so that could be a factor. Finally, I had a cold last week, and due to emotional stress and general staying up really late/early after spending time with Joe, the cold, mostly the cough, got worse. After going to bed at 5:00 Monday morning and naturally sleeping through my 11:00-12:45 class due to exhaustion and a necessity to wake up and cough, I realized it was time to go to the health center. The doctor was so kind as to inform me that I have viral bronchopneumonia and reactive airway disease. I had to blow into this tube thing, and the ball is supposed to go to around 430 normally. I definitely got 180 once and 150 the other times. Apparently my lungs are full and/or my bronchial tubes are constricted. I'm not allowed to sing for another week. Blah to that. I now have an inhaler, though--coolness!

Hope you are all doing well!! You're all in my prayers! I miss all of you who are far away! Fellow WMers, I'll definitely see you around. Don't forget about Saturday night! :)

Love,

Laura

I don't even know what to say anymore. Please forgive the following post. There's a lot of crap going around in my head, and keeping it in is just killing me. Also, please know I'm not asking for pity. If you choose to read this, thanks. If not, that's cool, too. I just have to get all of these thoughts (that relate in my head but probably won't relate here) down.

First off, as many of you know, my "boyfriend" and I broke up about a week/week and a half ago. We were not together for long at all, just like three and a half weeks. The thing is, due to certain reasons that some of you know, things were VERY intense. It was not a normal relationship. Normal is relative, though. And anyway, why should I expect anything normal since I never have success in relationships? Oh wait...no pity party here. My mom reprimanded me about that today. By the way, I'm exhausted, so it's quite probable that my depressed mood can be attributed to multiple factors. Speaking of depression, maybe I should go to a psychologist. I mean, I know the relative cause of my sadness, but why won't it just go away? It's not that simple, I know. In the past three weeks, though, I think I've had more down days than up. That never happens to me. I prefer my happy self, thank you.

Random thoughts, including musings from a napkin I wrote on tonight at the Daily Grind. Yeah, the Daily Grind. I went with Joe to meet up with "our" friends (more like his) Rob, Scott, Caitlin, and Sarah. They occupied one table. An empty table separated them from three other people I know. These people happen to the DO president and two fellow initiates to DO as of tonight. That's right...another group of "friends." I put my bag down, went to the bathroom, and returned to find Joe had pulled up a chair and was sitting with his friends. The other people also had a full table. So there I sat at a large round table that can comfortably seat four, and I was all alone. People barely gave me the time of day. I tried to read, but I could barely concentrate, so I wrote a few things down on a napkin and called Tiff. Now, I have felt terrible in the past few weeks for a few reasons, one of those being that I *know* I have neglected all of my friends for Joe and choir people. So when I called Tiff, I felt like I was using her because I have sucked with keeping up friendships with anyone beyond that group for SO long. I've lost my good friends, my hallmates, and FU2. I'm SO sorry about this, too.The thing is, with the exception of Tiff and Amy to some degree, who has expressed interest in getting together, I don't feel like I have a true outlet on campus. I don't think people genuinely want to be with me. No one wants to hang out with me for me, if that makes sense. I feel like I've been depressing people, too. I mean, all I do now is witch and complain and cry. I hate it. I do. Yeah, part of me feels like he's brought me into his living hell. A part of me feels like he's ruining my life because his is so screwed up. I have tried SO HARD to understand it if at all possible. I have tried to be an outlet for him. Apparently I just mess his life up more. I just abhor how it feels like we'll come to an agreement about some of his activities and how they need to be curbed/stopped, and then he completely disregards statements he made just last week. He returns to old practices, and I find myself losing respect for him. I just can't understand how most teenagers are idiots. They drink away their weekends, do really stupid/risky things, and then wake up and LAUGH about it. Stories about how drunk you were last night or last night's party are extremely silly, and the fact that the stories are repeated continually, sometimes weeks later, makes me realize how so many people don't have lives. Please, get your priorities in order. Maybe I do act like a party pooper or a worrywart, or maybe I *am* just really mature in many areas for my age. I don't know. By the way, please forgive the reemergence of my superiorty complex. Looking at some people, especially those people I haven't trusted/liked since the beginning of the year for various reasons who can only express their dislike for me when drunk, I just think, "Wow, please. Learn to express yourself without alcohol. Get lives. Own up to thoughts and feelings." Please, stop faking that you like me if you're going to make snide remarks about me/to me at parties when you're drunk. Drunk people are naturally less inhibited, so I know that they mean 99% of the things they say. So yeah, in general, if you don't like me, don't be fake. Chances are I don't like you either, but the difference between us is that I'm not going to try to kiss your butt/associate with you because I "should." I could say more, but I won't. To revisit the superiority complex thing: I know I'm not perfect. No one is. I actually think it's some sort of defense mechanism because I feel excluded. Tonight at the DG, Sarah left a little after 1:00. I looked up, and Joe shifted to her seat, thereby closing me off from the entire table. I thought it was extremely rude. Maybe it's just me, but if a person mattered that much to me (as he's told me he cares about me so much, needs me, can't bear to lose me, blah blah blah), I'd try to include that person. Anyway, I had been contemplating it for a while, and I finally did it. I took the first step to shutting the door. I need to realize that I can move on/live without Joe since he constantly reminds me that he won't be ready for anything for at least three, probably six months. Way to put a time table on things. But back to this. I have complained to my mom so much about this. I feel he holds me down. I'll wake up from thinking things are all right, and I feel awful. I feel like I give so much, and he's ungrateful. My mom has reminded me that one shouldn't be kind to someone in order to be praised or to be complimented, etc, and I know she's right but still. Anyway, she told me I should just walk away. So tonight, I decided to leave DG early (it closes at 2:00). I just got up, said bye, and left. I know it wasn't much, but I realized I can be independent. This feels like high school all over again (disconnected thought).

Random napkin thoughts (finally):

"I hate my life. I don't fit in with anyone. Look at me: I'm stuck between music dorks (for whom I'll never be good enough) and 'cool' people who get drunk. Always rejected. Why aren't I ever good enough?"

"Can't you see the tears in my smile? Don't you realize there's just one of me, and it has to last me a while?"

"I want to break free."

"I think I'm going to transfer/leave school. No one truly likes me."

"You closed yourself off from me. Goodbye."

"'treat me like dirt, which I am'"

Wow, those are depressing. I don't really mean half of them, so please don't worry.

This is enough for now. It's late/early, I'm tired, and there's entirely too much to say for the moment. Also, half of me thinks that this is another phase that I'll be over in like three days. I'll be back to thinking he's great soon. Oy. I suck with my indecisiveness. Maybe it's because I really care about him. I'm confused.

Anyway, thanks for reading/listening. Take care. I love you.

Laura

I'm currently sitting in Rob and Nate's apartment while Joe sleeps off everything he drank tonight. *sigh* No, Tiff, I never got home. Nate got online with you while I stayed with Joe, giving him water and rubbing his head. These last few weeks, mainly last week on, have been interesting. Today marks three weeks with Joe, by the way. Last week was Homecoming, and I spent the majority of early Friday through Sunday at noon with Joe and the Choir. We won the float and banner competitions yay. We had/went to parties. Go Red Sox. Just thought I'd throw that in. It relates to parties in that there was a Game 7 party Weds, and Rob's having a Game 1 party tomorrow night to which we're probably going. Oh, by the way everyone, my comp has had a virus for about two weeks now, so I haven't been able to get on AIM. Sadness :( Hmm I'm meeting Tiff at 1:00 for lunch. I need to lose more weight. I'm approximately 120 pounds now, but with my odd sleep cycles these last few days, along with other factors, I think I'm getting doughy again. Not fat, but back to a size 6. I had definitely hit a size 4 when  I got here...at least the 6s were baggy. Ah well, less eating, more moving--here I come! Rob told me I have a nice body tonight, though, which was nice. Except he was probably drunk haha. Oh well, enough of that! Time to see if Joe can wake up/go home b/c I need a shower and sleep, and I'm not walking home alone.

Hope all of you are doing well!! I've been reading your LJs when I go to the library or use friends' comps. Feel free to update me more here!

Love,

Laura

I love college, minus the fact that there's so much work to do! Hmm I have a paper due tomorrow that is almost done, a little bit more of a dance to choreograph, a theatre midterm Weds (and probably a dance midterm Weds, too), and OH YEAH, a 10-12 page draft due for theatre Weds that I haven't started. I'm mildly screwed there, but at least it's a draft. :-/

The social aspect of college rocks. I'm finally seeing someone. His name is Joe, and he's a sweetie. More details later! Time to resume work!

Love to all!

Laura

Which Kristin Character are You? by idina_obsession
Name
Age
Favorite Color
You are:
Quiz created with MemeGen!

C'est moi.

Love,

Spoonerella aka Skankho aka "the friendly neighborhood skank" and many more!!! I love college, and I love boys! :)

Happy birthday to my little sis, Sawah!!!!

Hope you had/are having a lovely day, my dear! Wish I were home to help you celebrate!

Love,

Wauwa

I've been at school for almost a week now. William and Mary is awesome! My roommate is sweet, and the rest of my hall rocks as well! Then there are the boys...haha, boys. So many boys and only one me! Kidding, of course. Anyway, I'll update when I can/when I feel like it. Take care, and God bless!

Love,

Laura

I just finished two weeks of music directing, assistant directing, and performing in Into the Woods, Jr. at Rising Star Academy. With 18 children and three teen girls, one of whom had to play the Baker. (Don't ask.) Fun times!

The always infamous comments from Eric:

dyslexicmaestro: so did you kick ass as the baker
primadonna618: the Baker's WIFE!
dyslexicmaestro: i bet the audience was like, wow, who is that hottie up on stage
dyslexicmaestro: the baker must be stuffin that oven on a nightly basis

Just...no. And no, Tiff, that was NOT Randy. Don't even get me started haha.

I'm leaving Friday morning. I'm excited, but I'm currently overwhelmed with all of the stuff that I have to do. Blah to packing.

On the upside, I'm currently copying all of my cds to iTunes for my new iPod! Yay yay yay!

Lauren, your friend is in my prayers.

Hope everyone is doing well! Take care!

Love,

Laura

I just got back from Philly less than an hour ago. Part of me wishes I had gone into the city, but the other part of me thinks I made the right choice about not going to NYC this week. I have a plan...

Ok, that was my incredibly short update. I'm off to do things now! Bye bye!

Love,

Laura